My dad always said, there’s no such thing as a free lunch. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. And the personal and professional benefits of coworking simply sound too good to be true.

So I’ve decided to come clean.

Not everything about coworking is made of rainbow-colored unicorn farts. I told you I want to be more transparent with the Cohere community, so here it is. If you’ve been harboring secret skepticism about what coworking can really do for your business, get ready to say, “I knew it.”

3 Reasons To Cancel Your Coworking Membership

1. Too much socialization

We all know that the best work is done when we’re alone. Preferably in an cubicle-like environment that’s totally closed off from the world. The fewer windows and avenues of communication with the outside world, the better. Chatting, laughing, explaining the massive bag of Easter candy you consumed over the weekend–that kind of tomfoolery is best reserved for after-work hours. When you’re “at work” (because let’s be honest, freelancers shouldn’t really be allowed to say that) it’s head’s down, mouths shut. That TPS report isn’t gonna write itself.

2. Not enough structure

There’s an order to the business world. Decades of capitalism teach us that business happens between 9 am and 5 pm and that it occurs most successfully when everyone involved wears a suit. Or at least a collared shirt, for pete’s sake. And the number one priority of any business should be the production of profit. As much as possible, however possible. Cooperation and collaboration is a sign of weakness in the business world, and there’s just too much of it going on in the coworking community.

3. Lack of professionalism

Do you know that in some coworking spaces, it’s considered acceptable to share information about the day’s tasks with other entrepreneurs? Did you know that in some cases, members are permitted to work at all hours of the day or night, often in the company of non-members? Did you know that coming in to work in jeans or even pajama pants is accepted by the community? Most shockingly, there are sometimes beer or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches involved, without the supervision of a receptionist or at the very least, office manager.

I know these things are hard to hear, but I had to get them off my chest. I couldn’t stand watching my friends and fellow entrepreneurs duped into thinking they had found a low-cost way to expand their professional networks while tapping into an entire community of supportive talent. It was horrifying to watch my peers laugh and collaborate their way through the work day with smiles on their faces.  We all know that’s not what work is supposed to look like.

Coworking has failed us, and it’s time to return to a state of order. Membership cancellations will be accepted immediately and without question.

Thank you,
Management

(April Fool’s! Did you say I knew it?)

Image via jmv/Flickr